“Britney Spears' shared custody deal extended - New Kerala” plus 3 more

The paparazzo who was injured when BRITNEY SPEARS ran over his foot is asking the pop star to hand over more than $220,000 (146,700).
Photographer Ricardo Mendoza claims his foot has been damaged for life, and has cost him $195,000 (130,000) in general damages.
Ironically, the incident happened as Spears was leaving a Los Angeles medical centre in 2007.
The former TMZ.com photographer initially laughed the foot injury off, auctioning off his sock for charity.

25 September 2009 01:31

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Fat Kevin Federline, Shar Jackson Sign on For Celebrity Fit Club - Fashion

Posted: 23 Sep 2009 05:40 AM PDT

Kevin Federline is famous only because he used to be married to Britney Spears and helped spawn her two sons. Now he is best known for being really freaking fat.
Fat doesn't really do it justice. We are talking obese here, people.
Well, that may not last. Having stuffed himself silly for the past nine months, K-Fed is now going to get paid to go on VH1's Celebrity Fit Club and lose some weight.
Is this a great country or what?
A rep for the network confirms that K-(over)-Fed is joining the cast of the show's new season. Also appearing? Kevin Federline's ex and baby mama, Shar Jackson!
In addition to Britney Spears' kids Sean Preston and Jayden James Federline, Kevin also impregnated Shar twice, only to dump her for Spears. A classy move.

LARGE AND IN CHARGE: Did you really need to take the leftovers, K-Fed? We know you aren't planning on giving 'em to the dog. [Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Despite being lambasted in the press for putting on absolutely massive amounts of weight, Kevin seems happy these days with girlfriend Victoria Prince.
She's in slightly better shape than he.

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Make My Day - American Reporter

Posted: 26 Sep 2009 10:47 PM PDT

Make My Day
PARIS FOR PREZ
by Erik Deckers
American Reporter Humor Writer
Indianapolis, Indiana

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INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. -- It was the snit heard 'round the world. The snarky, scantily-clad video response that got pundits tongues wagging about something other than politics, at least until their wives saw them. Maybe its echo has faded from the news, but it still makes me wake up screaming in the middle of the night.

Paris Hilton says she's running for President.

The vapid blond heiress and star of "The Simple Life," announced her candidacy in a spoof video on FunnyOrDie.com. Hilton said she was running because that "wrinkly white-haired guy" - John McCain, for those of you emerging from under your rocks - used her image in a television spot against his opponent, presumptive President of the United States, Barack Obama.

"Hey America, I'm Paris Hilton, and I'm a celebrity too," she said without a sense of irony or shame. "Only I'm not from the olden days, and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot."

Oh man, this is really bad. I've always been a big supporter of third party candidates, but my one litmus test is whether they can even spell "candidate." And that they haven't starred in an Internet sex video/ I swear, if she wins, I'm moving to Canada with Alec Baldwin, unless he chickens out like he did last time. (Big wussy. The guy swore up and down he would move to Canada if George Bush became President, but we're stuck with him and his 17 brothers.) Still, I don't think she's got a real shot, so I'll probably be here for a while.

"But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which means I guess I'm running for President," she continued. Yeah, right. By that logic, since her boyfriend used her in that sex video, I guess that would make her a slut. . .

Uh, oh. This is worse than I thought! Do they get the NFL in Canada? Can I get the Dish Network to work up there?

"So thanks for the endorsement, white-haired dude, and I want America to know I'm, like, totally ready to lead."

Oh, good, as long as you're totally ready. I mean, we wouldn't want someone who was , like, only concerned about whether certain other world leaders are, like, hot, or whether the White House clashes with her outfits. She'll probably appoint Extreme Makerover's Ty Pennington the Secretary of the Department of the Interior to make sure.

"I'll see you at the White House," she concluded. "Oh, and I might paint it pink."

Looks like I've got a tough decision to make. Do I go for the big city or the small town? I've been to Toronto, and it's a nice city with a strong arts community. But if I lived in a smaller town, I'd be closer to nature and some really good fishing. Dryden, Ontario is gorgeous in the summer.

But even as I pace the floor and gnaw on my fingernails, I have to admit, her energy policy made some sense.

"We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight, while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way, offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved. I'll see you at the debates, bitches."

But then she, like, totally shot herself in the foot when she said she was considering Rihanna, the R&B artist, as her vice presidential nominee.

Come on! Rihanna?! Are you kidding me? Everyone knows she doesn't have the foreign affairs experience needed to re-establish the U.S. as a world leader. Plus, she was born in Barbados, so she's not a natural-born American citizen, which means she can't take on that role.

While some people would say Britney Spears, Hilton's fellow celeb and John McCain commercial target, is the emotional favorite, I think Cameron Diaz is the better choice. She can shore up the Hispanic vote and improve relations with Latin America. Of course, you'll also need Ashton Kutcher to head up the Department of Homeland Security (Hey Iran, you've been punk'd!). And what do you think of Scarlett Johansen as the Secretary of State... ?

Uh, excuse me. I don't know what came over me. If anything, I'm worrying too much about something that will never happen. Hilton is only 27, eight years too young to run for president, which means I don't have to worry about a global disaster for eight more years. But with her sordid past, I doubt she could even be elected dogcatcher of Putnam County.

Besides, I'm hoping Lindsey Lohan will be out of rehab and ready to run for Senate by 2016.