plus 4, Make My Day - American Reporter |
- Make My Day - American Reporter
- Ke$ha Dishes On Her 'Bizarre' Collaboration With Diddy For 'Tik Tok' - Artistdirect.com
- TAYLOR SWIFT VIDEOS - Contactmusic.com
- The top ten music in the United States - Mississippi Press
- Are celebrities just ignorant when it comes to technology - Examiner
| Make My Day - American Reporter Posted: 10 Dec 2009 09:22 PM PST Make My Day PARIS FOR PREZ by Erik Deckers American Reporter Humor Writer Indianapolis, Indiana
Printable version of this story INDIANAPOLIS, Ind. -- It was the snit heard 'round the world. The snarky, scantily-clad video response that got pundits tongues wagging about something other than politics, at least until their wives saw them. Maybe its echo has faded from the news, but it still makes me wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Paris Hilton says she's running for President. The vapid blond heiress and star of "The Simple Life," announced her candidacy in a spoof video on FunnyOrDie.com. Hilton said she was running because that "wrinkly white-haired guy" - John McCain, for those of you emerging from under your rocks - used her image in a television spot against his opponent, presumptive President of the United States, Barack Obama. "Hey America, I'm Paris Hilton, and I'm a celebrity too," she said without a sense of irony or shame. "Only I'm not from the olden days, and I'm not promising change like that other guy. I'm just hot." Oh man, this is really bad. I've always been a big supporter of third party candidates, but my one litmus test is whether they can even spell "candidate." And that they haven't starred in an Internet sex video/ I swear, if she wins, I'm moving to Canada with Alec Baldwin, unless he chickens out like he did last time. (Big wussy. The guy swore up and down he would move to Canada if George Bush became President, but we're stuck with him and his 17 brothers.) Still, I don't think she's got a real shot, so I'll probably be here for a while. "But then that wrinkly white-haired guy used me in his campaign ad, which means I guess I'm running for President," she continued. Yeah, right. By that logic, since her boyfriend used her in that sex video, I guess that would make her a slut. . . Uh, oh. This is worse than I thought! Do they get the NFL in Canada? Can I get the Dish Network to work up there? "So thanks for the endorsement, white-haired dude, and I want America to know I'm, like, totally ready to lead." Oh, good, as long as you're totally ready. I mean, we wouldn't want someone who was , like, only concerned about whether certain other world leaders are, like, hot, or whether the White House clashes with her outfits. She'll probably appoint Extreme Makerover's Ty Pennington the Secretary of the Department of the Interior to make sure. "I'll see you at the White House," she concluded. "Oh, and I might paint it pink." Looks like I've got a tough decision to make. Do I go for the big city or the small town? I've been to Toronto, and it's a nice city with a strong arts community. But if I lived in a smaller town, I'd be closer to nature and some really good fishing. Dryden, Ontario is gorgeous in the summer. But even as I pace the floor and gnaw on my fingernails, I have to admit, her energy policy made some sense. "We can do limited offshore drilling with strict environmental oversight, while creating tax incentives to get Detroit making hybrid and electric cars. That way, offshore drilling carries us until the new technologies kick in, which will create new jobs and energy independence. Energy crisis solved. I'll see you at the debates, bitches." But then she, like, totally shot herself in the foot when she said she was considering Rihanna, the R&B artist, as her vice presidential nominee. Come on! Rihanna?! Are you kidding me? Everyone knows she doesn't have the foreign affairs experience needed to re-establish the U.S. as a world leader. Plus, she was born in Barbados, so she's not a natural-born American citizen, which means she can't take on that role. While some people would say Britney Spears, Hilton's fellow celeb and John McCain commercial target, is the emotional favorite, I think Cameron Diaz is the better choice. She can shore up the Hispanic vote and improve relations with Latin America. Of course, you'll also need Ashton Kutcher to head up the Department of Homeland Security (Hey Iran, you've been punk'd!). And what do you think of Scarlett Johansen as the Secretary of State... ? Uh, excuse me. I don't know what came over me. If anything, I'm worrying too much about something that will never happen. Hilton is only 27, eight years too young to run for president, which means I don't have to worry about a global disaster for eight more years. But with her sordid past, I doubt she could even be elected dogcatcher of Putnam County. Besides, I'm hoping Lindsey Lohan will be out of rehab and ready to run for Senate by 2016.
Copyright 2009 Joe Shea The American Reporter. All Rights Reserved.
fivefilters.org featured article: Normalising the crime of the century by John Pilger |
| Ke$ha Dishes On Her 'Bizarre' Collaboration With Diddy For 'Tik Tok' - Artistdirect.com Posted: 10 Dec 2009 09:30 PM PST  Ke$ha Dishes On Her 'Bizarre' Collaboration With Diddy For 'Tik Tok'Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:36:00 Diddy, Britney Spears, Flo Rida, Miley Cyrus, P. Diddy fivefilters.org featured article: Normalising the crime of the century by John Pilger |
| TAYLOR SWIFT VIDEOS - Contactmusic.com Posted: 10 Dec 2009 09:58 PM PST SWIFT & WEST ARE QUEEN AND KING OF BILLBOARD'S 2009 TAYLOR SWIFT and KANYE WEST have been named the Top Female and Top Male Artist of the Year by Billboard magazine. 10 December 2009 22:06 Tags: Taylor Swift - Kanye West
TAYLOR SWIFT News Letter Subscribe to this news alert service to receive news and reviews on TAYLOR SWIFT Sign Up Now fivefilters.org featured article: Normalising the crime of the century by John Pilger |
| The top ten music in the United States - Mississippi Press Posted: 10 Dec 2009 07:49 PM PST (AP) — Billboard Hot 100-Top 10
 (Airplay monitored by Nielsen/BDS. Sales data compiled by Nielsen/SoundScan.) 1. "Empire State Of Mind," Jay-Z + Alicia Keys. Roc Nation. 2. "Bad Romance," Lady Gaga. Streamline/KonLive/Cherrytree/Interscope. 3. "TiK ToK," Ke$ha. Kasz Money/RCA/RMG. 4. "Replay," Iyaz. Time Is Money/Beluga Heights/Reprise. 5. "Fireflies," Owl City. Universal Republic. 6. "Whatcha Say," Jason DeRulo. Beluga Heights/Warner Bros. 7. "Sexy Chick," David Guetta feat. Akon. Gum/Astralwerks/Capitol. 8. "Meet Me Halfway," The Black Eyed Peas. Interscope. 9. "3," Britney Spears. Jive/JLG. 10. "Down," Jay Sean feat. Lil Wayne. Cash Money/Universal Republic. Hot Country Songs (Airplay monitored by Nielsen/BDS. Sales data compiled by Nielsen/SoundScan.) 1. "Need You Now," Lady Antebellum. Capitol Nashville. 2. "Do I," Luke Bryan. Capitol Nashville. 3. "Consider Me Gone," Reba. Starstruck/Valory. 4. "Bonfire," Craig Morgan. BNA. 5. "I Wanna Make You Close Your Eyes," Dierks Bentley. Capitol Nashville. 6. "Cowboy Casanova," Carrie Underwood. 19/Arista Nashville. 7. "Red Light," David Nail. MCA Nashville. 8. "Southern Voice," Tim McGraw. Curb. 10. "White Liar," Miranda Lambert. Columbia. Copyright 2009, Nielsen SoundScan, Inc. fivefilters.org featured article: Normalising the crime of the century by John Pilger |
| Are celebrities just ignorant when it comes to technology - Examiner Posted: 10 Dec 2009 09:51 PM PST "Hey, Tiger Woods: Why so dumb about tech? When it comes to digital embarrassment, celebs are apparently just stupid." Whether it be on television, newspaper or magazine, you cannot escape Tiger Woods on magazine covers and TV gossip shows. Talk about being everywhere. He may know an awful lot about golf but he sure didn't know how to use technology to NOT hurt him. According to Helen Popkin's article on MSNBC entitled, "Hey, Tiger Woods: Why so dumb about tech," she discusses several celebrities who have in the past been done in by technology. Here's an alleged example of one of Tiger's text messages to a friend. "Hey, it's, uh, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Um, can you please, uh, take your name off your phone. My wife went through my phone. And, uh, may be calling you. If you can, please take your name off that and, um, and what do you call it just have it as a number on the voice mail, just have it as your telephone number. That's it, OK. You gotta do this for me. Huge. Quickly. All right. Bye." Who is stupid enough to leave incriminating text messages and negative voice mail? It's not uncommon for athletes, entertainers and politicians to get themselves caught by being technologically ignorant, sloppy or both. How can anyone think, now-a-days that you're actually able to be anonymous? We're used to hearing about people who have been fired or never hired because of photos and statements left on their Facebook or Twitter pages. But when people who have super big bucks do it, it just doesn't make sense. Emails and instant messages are even used in court as evidence of a particular intent, behavior and crime. You would think that celebrities would have experts advising them on these matters. Not to jump on the Tiger bandstand, he could have used devices that changed his voice. He could have programmed in harmless names next to phone numbers on his cell phone. And he didn't have to start voice mails with, "Hi, this is Tiger." So with Ms. Popkin as our guide, she reminds us of whom have suffered from technological embarassment. Here are a few. "Prince Charles of Wales is alleged to have told then-mistress Camilla Parker-Bowles in a voice mail message of his desire to be her feminine hygiene product". This was in 1993 and an English tabloid published a transcript of this. He may have expected privacy but if you don't want to have something used against you, would you leave an incriminating message that you know is being recorded? These people always have servents. They don't think how easy it would be for someone to intercept it. Back in 2005, some clever hacker broke into Paris Hilton's Sidekick taking her address book and images on the device and posted them on the Web. That's when Paris was on TV in "Simple Life." Not to mention, we all remember when her home-made porno film was circulated online and was showing up everywhere. There was a sex tape of Kim Kardashian allegedly showing up on the internet a while ago. Remember? Britney Spears had her Twitter account hacked and broadcasted. Bill O'Reilly left that sexy voice mail. Miley Cyrus recently left her 2 million Twitter followers allegedly due to a "hip-hop" video posted on YouTube where she is alleged to have rapped, "Everything that I type and everything that I do, all those lame gossip sites take it and make it news." Personally, I don't see anything wrong with that statement. Isn't it true? Lindsay Lohan's father Michael has recently replayed and sold family phone calls including conversations with Jon Gosselin. Poor Alec Baldwin suffered through many months of embarassment while that telephone message he left for his daughter was played over and over again making him the butt of jokes. David Hasselhoff had his daughter videotaping him while he allegedly was inebriated and eating a hamburger off the floor. At the height of Michael Phelps fever, while he allegedly smoked an illegal substance, someone was filming it with a camcorder right in his face. Pamela Anderson had that famous videotape she and her then husband Tommy Lee taped of themselves while on their boat engaged in some "water sports". And then someone broke in, stole the tape and made a whole lot of money off it. John Mayer gets on Twitter and allegedly spoke about who he is about to dump before he even tells the woman involved. So as technology can be your best friend and help you out of a tough situation, it can do you in too. One would think you would use logic and reason before you leave something in writing or recording but I guess we're all human and make poor judgements now and then. It will probably be a long time Tiger Woods is the butt of jokes whether it be on Saturday Night Live or other media. So think long and hard before you put something in writing or record something you wouldn't want everyone in the whole world to see or hear or know. Source: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/34245443/ns/technology_and_science-tech_and_gadgets fivefilters.org featured article: Normalising the crime of the century by John Pilger |
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